


please don't make any sudden moves, you don't know the half of the abuse

by RainbowRandomness



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: Backstory, Blood, Character Study, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Miscarriage, Past Torture, Spoilers, Torture, Visions, brief semi graphic description of a miscarry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7798231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowRandomness/pseuds/RainbowRandomness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>She hadn’t been prepared for the vision of her heart’s desire. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A look into the hints and clues of Harley having been pregnant with twins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	please don't make any sudden moves, you don't know the half of the abuse

**Author's Note:**

> I saw _Suicide Squad_ yesterday and really liked it, and as cliche as it may seem, I really loved Harley. have done before SS and more so after seeing the film. 
> 
> two parts in the film made me kinda wonder about Harley and her past, as (spoiler alert) in the scene where the Joker lies down in the circle of knives and shit, the camera pans out and you see two babygrows (if I'm not mistaken, one pink and one blue) and then later on in the film Enchantress shows the gang a vision of their hearts desire, and Harley's is of her as a suburban mum with twin babies, with the Joker coming into the room looking like some normal business man. 
> 
> it made me wanna explore Harley more, and I looked up [a thing or two](http://www.hitfix.com/harpy/suicide-squad-hinted-at-harley-quinns-past-pregnancy-if-you-looked-hard-enough) about her possible pregnancy and then I kinda wrote this as a way to explore her, her past, and the whole hints and clues about babies and such.
> 
> obviously this isn't a happy fic, least not for Harley. but I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it none the less.
> 
> Title from _Heathens_ by Twenty One Pilots

She dreamed about what a normal life with him would be like. She thought about herself, who she was before falling for him, before spreading her arms like wings and falling down into the vat of chemicals where she could have drowned if J hadn’t dove in after her, scooping her up into his arms with a grin and kiss.

She loved him. She had been infatuated with him before, fascinated by his actions, his thoughts, who he was, what he did. She had begged for months to be assigned to him as his doctor, was sure she could learn so much from him and possibly, maybe, cure him. She thought she could do it, believed whole heartedly that her dedication into helping him would bare promise.

She hadn’t planned on his charm, his voice smooth like silk drawing her in as her name rolled on his tongue and passed his lips in a drawled sound of intrigue. She couldn’t have known her infatuation would blossom into love, deep and spiralling, making her bold in her actions to reach across the table between them and barely scrap her lips against his, feeling his grin begin to stretch as she smiled coyly and pulled away.

Soon after he’d tortured her, electrocuting her as she bit on a thick leather belt, grinning as she did so, grinning through the pain as her love was presented to him, an undeniable truth. He’d smiled at her as he removed the electronic discs from her head and she smiled back, sure she could see his approval in his eyes. He placed the discs back to her head and she bit down on the belt, containing her screams even as the sounds of gunfire and men yelling, people dying, rang throughout the corridors outside their room.

He’d taken her with him as he and his men left Arkham, his hand in hers for the briefest of moments as he tugged her towards the van waiting for them. She’d gone in willingly, seating herself amongst the men splattered with blood and dirt, sweat on their skin and permeating the air.

She hadn’t cared; J had taken her with him.

It was only a matter of time before he brought her to the ACE warehouse, his presence looming behind her as she looked down at the various vats of chemicals, bubbling and smoking in their pots in the depths below. She hadn’t felt fear as she gazed down at the chemicals below and had turned to J as he began to speak.

_“Question... Would you die for me?”_

Her answer had been immediate.

_“Yes.”_

His head rolled on his shoulders, a low hum rumbling through him as he spoke to himself.

_“That’s too easy. Would you...”_

He looked at her and paused, taking her in, eyes focused on her and her alone.

_“Would you live for me?”_

He prompted her with an inquisitive hum when she paused briefly before answering, but her answer was the same.

_“Yes.”_

It had been easy to turn away from the vats of chemicals below and smile at him before she spread her arms and fell down, down, down into the chemicals. She’d closed her eyes, felt the sting of the chemicals attacking her, searing her skin and hair, her clothes disintegrating from her.

She couldn’t swim but she felt at peace. And when the sound of someone hitting the chemicals liquid surface broke through the sound of bubbling in her ears, she felt arms around her, pulling her up until they broke the surface once more. His lips had felt raw, perfect against her own until she gasped and smiled at him, bringing him down with a hand to the back of his head for another kiss.

Their love had been a whirlwind after that; speeding through the streets of Gotham in J’s car, flashy outfits and shared tattoos, grins and laughter, murder and blood, lap dances and sex, her lipstick smeared over his red lips as she sat in his lap and moaned into their hungry kiss, the feel of him inside her making her fingernails scrap across his back and shoulder blades, leaving red marks in their wake.

She craved him, she loved him. And she knew he felt the same, knew in how his fingers caressed the pale skin of her upper thigh with a feather light tough, knew in how he grinned at her when she looked his way, knew in how his jealousy sparked so obviously on his face when she danced closely with someone else in her box, or sat in the lap of a colleague in his private lounge.

He loved her, she knew it.

But babies had never been in their cards.

She had found out the morning she threw up in the toilet, head pounding and throat burning, her pale hair clinging to her sweaty forehead in strands, spilling over her shoulders to caress the toilet rim. She pushed it back and threw up again, her hand pressing against her stomach for a brief moment as the possibility crossed her mind.

Her excitement hadn’t lasted long. She’d tried to find out as discretely and as soon as possible, wanting to know for sure before she made her next move. She didn’t know how J would react and for the first time in a long time, fear bloomed within her chest at the prospect of her pregnancy being true, of what it would mean for her and for J. She feared how he would react to the news if the test came back positive.

It did. She was pregnant.

She didn’t tell him, didn’t dare. Gazing out the floor to ceiling window of his room, her hand resting on her flat stomach, she watched the city breath, move, carry on. Lights of cars and various establishments lit up the drab streets of Gotham, people walking along the pavements with arms interlinked with loved ones or heads bowed as they made their way home alone. No one knew that she was there, standing above them all at a window, watching as her mind was silent for once, no thoughts passing through her mind as to what she was to do.

For the first time in a long while, she felt like her old self. Harleen. That had been her name. Harleen Quinzel, Dr Harleen Quinzel at that. What would she do? What would her next step be?

In the end it didn’t matter; she awoke one night with sweat cooling on her skin and blood soaking her sheets. She had a brief moment to thank whoever was listening that she had a separate room to sleep in before she was scrambling out of the drenched sheets, trying to swallow the scream that threatened to escape her throat. Her nightgown was soaked, her stomach hurt, sharp pains like knife stabs making her crumble to the floor in agony.

She needed help, but in the darkness of her bedroom, alone and shaking on the carpeted floor, she had no one to turn to. Instead she curled in on herself, her arms wrapping around her tightly in a cold embrace as she felt what had been growing inside her slip out of her wetly, hitting the floor beneath her with a dull thud. She thought it was over when she heard it once, but a sob escaped her throat when she heard it again for the second time.

After that, it was done, and she curled in on herself closer, her pale cheeks wet with tears she hardly felt. She wasn’t found until morning, and she hardly noticed what was happening as one of J’s men came in to find her coiled around herself on the floor, blood soaking her skin and clothes, her bedsheets, the evidence of what had been within her lying still on the ground by her lower half. She heard him murmur to himself a horrified, _“Oh God.”_ before talking into his phone in a hushed voice.

She didn’t pay him any mind; she was fine. It was over. She was fine.

She didn’t know what happened after that, couldn’t remember the events that took place after being found. She was fine, of course she was; she was dancing in her box in J’s club again without a second thought, her lips blood red against her white skin, and her hair curled and brushing her bare shoulders.

She danced and she drank, she kissed cheeks and smiled sweetly, and no one knew what had happened. The only acknowledgement had been for the briefest moment, as J pulled her into his lap in his private lounge, where he placed his hand upon her flat stomach, palm flat and fingers splayed, and he looked up at her with the same expression he had given her when he asked her, _“Would you live for me?”_

His smile was gone, his eyes focused solely on her and for a moment panic gripped her heart as she wondered what he knew, what he understood, and how he felt about it. But then he smiled at her, the corner of his lips pulling up until he was grinning, baring his metallic teeth at her and she melted in his arms, smiling back, assured that he still loved her.

He still loved her.

She tried not to think about what could have been had she been able to carry through with the pregnancy. She loved J, but deep down even she knew that work would come before anything else for him. They weren’t meant to be parents, couldn’t give up their lifestyle to take care of kids. Perhaps it had been for the best that she lost them.

In the months that followed the incident, she had found herself separated from J, her memory supplying hazy images of laughing as she curled in on herself, men in uniforms surrounding her and murmuring to themselves. She grinned at them all as her body shook, her wet hair becoming tangled around her fingers.

She knew they had been talking about her but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter when they hauled her up and clothed her in a prison uniform, didn’t matter when they strapped her to a chair and sent electric shocks through her system, searing through her veins and making her gasp. She’d endured it all before; there was nothing they could do that she hadn’t already handled.

She hadn’t been prepared for the vision of her heart’s desire. Working with a group of imprisoned rouges to take down a thousand year old witch had hardly fazed her, their lives already bizarre and beyond the realms of what others would call ‘normal’ that she’d hardly thought about it as they fought disgusting monsters, once human but now no longer, and ran to fight the witch. She hadn’t known the witches capabilities, didn’t know that she could tap into her mind and show her everything she’d ever wanted.

Her blonde hair was wrapped in pink rollers, a baby on her hip and another in a highchair, both with fair blonde hair that curled at the ends and blue eyes that shone in the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window.

She was smiling, could feel the corners of her lips pulled up but there was a gentleness to her smile; it wasn’t a grin, teeth bared to frighten or intimidate. Her smile was loving and soft, and only grew when she heard the front door to the house open and close, the sounds of footsteps making their way towards the kitchen making her babies heads turn towards the door.

He was dressed in a suit, a briefcase held in one hand and his brown hair slicked back, the air of a business man following him into the room as he made his way over and bent down to kiss her smiling lips in greeting. He kissed the crown of the baby on her hip and then circled behind her to wave to their other baby, his face soft and affectionate as their baby took hold of one of his fingers and held on.

_“He married me.”_

She remembered how the vision had began to clear as Diablo told them it was only a hallucination, but she had clung on desperately to it, had watched as J, her husband, the father of their twins, straightened himself and turned to her with a soft smile, his arm reaching up to wrap around her waist and pull her closer.

They looked so happy.

They looked so in love.

She wanted that.

The image had stayed with her after that. Even as they fought the witch and brought back the human she inhabited, even as they dealt with the fact they were going back to their imprisonment, the image of J smiling at her softly in a sunlit kitchen, two babies by their sides and a feeling of warmth and love creeping around her heart, she took the image with her and thought about it in fleeting moments.

Her eyes refocused on the book in her hand, the same page she had started minutes ago still spread out before her. She had become lost in the image of them again, of her and J, normal, happy, two children by their sides in a home in the suburbs. Like normal people, like normal families.

She shook her head minutely and shut her book, placing it on the bed beside her before she got up to refill her teacup at the Espresso machine she had asked for. She pressed the button and watched as the liquid filled her cup, and her mind wandered back to the thought of them as parents. As a family.

She laid her hand briefly on her stomach, imagining the possibility, before pulling her hand away again, balling it into a fist which she relaxed at her side.

When the wall exploded she ducked for cover, watching in wonder and concern as men in uniforms entered and a shoot out began between the intruders and the officers who watched her in her cage. Gunshots rang out throughout the large room, and bodies fell to the floor in bloody heaps. Someone in a uniform sawed open her cell door and she jumped back at the sparks, stepping back into the corner of the cage.

That’s when she saw his name written across the uniform, and he ripped away the mask to reveal his pale face, green hair barely visible from beneath the police helmet. He stepped towards her and her face broke out into a smile as she surged towards him.

_“Puddin’!”_

He wrapped her easily within his arms, holding her close, and she embraced him in turn, burying her face into his shoulder as she breathed him in, the scent of smoke and gunpowder filling her nose.

She felt his lips against her ear and his hold tighten around her waist.

_“Let’s go home.”_

**Author's Note:**

> come follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/RainbowRandoms) and [tumblr](http://rainbow-randomness.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I do not give permission to have any of my works put up on goodreads or any other such site.


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